I was just sitting here in between tasks with lots of excellent posts written by weight-loss bloggers like Prior Fat Girl, The Anti-Jared, Quix, and Diane of Fit to the Finish bubbling up though my thoughts.
I was sitting here with these fizzy champagne-of-the-fit-blogworld writings swirling around in my head, when I realized that in many ways the primary descriptor of my fat years has been "stagnation." Not moving forward, making progress, socializing, learning, challenging myself, living fully. Although I somehow managed to acquire a relationship (more dear to me than I can express here) during this time, in every other way I feel that I've stood still.
Let's face it: I've been hiding out. In the Fatcave.
The Fatcave is my secluded lair of doubts and resentments and chocolate comforts. It has some good books in it, and lots of fattening food. It has internet access, of course.
What it doesn't have in it is a treadmill, or vegetables, or a mirror. Or a photograph of my current 200-lb self. It doesn't have windows. It doesn't have friends in it; in fact, it doesn't really allow for much socialization at all.
Instead, it promotes wallowing and inaction and reminders that I am broken beyond repair. There are lots of diet books in the Fatcave, but this is actually a trick! Because each book with its advice in conflict with the others confuses me more and more. The confusion turns into molasses and quicksand in the cave.
I have been in the Fatcave for more than 5 years now. I wish I had been in charm school instead, because I'm pretty sure I've grown increasingly snappish and resentful during this period of time, as well as more roly-poly.
Many opportunities for new and interesting experiences have passed me by while I lurked in the cave. I somehow see the situation so clearly now.
I am ready to escape the Fatcave and I will need to use all the resources at my disposal to achieve this. But I know I can lose weight and stop living life in the shadows. I can lose 75 lbs. I believe this! I believe this.
Sincerely,
Hilary
July 8, 2009
Escape from the Fatcave: The Beginning
Tags: dieting, fatcave, introduction, obesity, weight loss
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8 comments:
You can absolutely do it! I'm looking forward to hearing all about your experiences and adventures.
- Sagan
Sagan: Thanks! I really believe that I can, too!
Beautiful post, Hilary! And one I’m sure so many of us dieters can relate to. You’ve just taken a big first step in posting this and I have absolutely no doubt that you’ll find your way out of the fat cave soon! Yes, it can be difficult and confusing and frustrating as hell, but the rewards…ahhh, Hilary, the amazing, wonderful rewards are definitely worth it all. I wish you all the best!
--Susan
Susan: Thanks so much for your encouragement!
How did you get into my head and write down all of my thoughts? As I was reading this I felt like it was me talking. We are so similar. I am also stuck in the fat cave and almost everything you said describes me to a tea. We can do it together!
You can do this - it sounds like you're ready to emerge from the cave into the sun! When I was struggling with my weight I often felt like I was alone, but there were people out there rooting for me to succeed.
I'm looking forward to following your progress!
I am soooooo happy to see you posting again. I've been worried. This is a wonderful and brave first step. We are all huddling around the mouth of the cave, cheering you and and coaxing you out into the light!! COME ON OUT BABY!!!!
PS. I lived in that cave for almost 20 years, so I really do know where you're at.
Such a wise & honest post. You might appreciate this song by Warren Zevon:
Splendid Isolation
Ultimately, bats are cool. You're going to make it out of the Fatcave.
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