When I posted yesterday, I wasn't happy with what I had written. I was feeling inarticulate and so miserable that I sat in a closed spare office and cried on the phone to my boyfriend. I know when I get depressed that the episode will end; but what I don't know is when. That's a hard thing.
After a few minutes I had to splash my face with some cold water in the Ladies' Room and get on with my day. I checked back in on my blog post after a while and . . . your comments totally helped to turn my day around. I felt more grounded and actually experienced a cautious sense of hope again, after earlier in the day feeling like ground-up UGH wrapped in a BLECH tortilla.
I made an appointment with someone in the Employee Assistance Program office at work and I'll be visiting with them on Monday morning. I'm hoping to get a referral to a counselor in this community who accepts my insurance. Although I have seen a doctor for the meds side of my depression for years, I have yet to find and stick with an affordable counselor who I can talk to about my issues with depression, food, and general self-loathing. I'm praying for some kind of break here, that the EAP person will recommend a good counselor who won't completely vandalize my checking account, and that I will truly give counseling a genuine try this time around.
One thing I got from a lot of yesterday's comments is that exercise may be critical not just to my weight loss but also to managing my depression. Although this isn't something I haven't heard before, somehow hearing it when I most needed to was incredibly helpful. Thanks, guys!
July 10, 2009
A Small Step Towards Freedom?
Tags: counseling, depression, exercise, weight loss
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I hope it's a great experience. Don't be afraid to shop around to find the right counselor that you feel comfortable with. One time while shopping for a new therapist, I went to a lady that kept guinea pigs in her office in a giant rubbermaid container that smelled like pee. It was an awesome session, of course.
I'm a HUGE FAN of therapy. It transformed my life and continues to pay for itself.
Heather: Hahah re: the guinea pigs! Maybe they were supposed to be for pet therapy ;).
I think you are wise in trying to find a good therapist. It would be wonderful to find someone you can relate to, and who will help you along the way!
Sounds like we've both been doing lots of mental exploration this week! Good luck, and I hope you find what you need with therapy. I cannot stress enough that exercise keeps me from being completely nuts. Give it a month of regular activity to kick in, but you might find yourself addicted...
I started seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and anxiety five weeks ago. My EAP covers the first eight weeks, then afterwards, I have quite a low co-pay.
Not only do I beat myself up because both I'm not losing weight fast enough, but I simultaneously have issues where I've lost enough weight that I'm not sure who I am. Not to mention, how on earth do I have emotions without eating them?
My therapy sessions have not gone very deep since, like, I've spoken to the therapist for less than 5 hours. Yet, I do take comfort in knowing that I can confide and seek strategies without hearing judgment.
Exercise = endorphins = happy.
I hope you will find a good and affordable counselor.
Hi Hilary, so glad to see you're posting again, I've missed you. I wholeheartedly agree that exercise is essential for mental health, so I hope you're getting out there and doing something, particularly when you least feel like it. Walking (or biking) are both excellent. When I start exercising after a gap during which I've floundered wildly, I head out the door shouting "I'm BACK!!" Sounds nuts but it gets that positive feeling flowing again and I'm too old to care if my neighbors think I'm nuts. I also think it might be helpful to make a list of things you like about yourself. You're a good writer, you are compassionate, you care about animals, you're engaged in a successful loving relationship, you have a personality that shines through your writing and makes people care about you, I'm sure there are quantities of things you could add. Keep the list in a notebook, add to it and look at it when the negative thoughts are filling your head. I'm sending good thoughts your way - Babbalou
Counseling will definitely help and I don't think any weight loss achieved will be lasting if you don't deal with the depression issues. Good luck finding a good counselor. You have the right idea and you can do this!
Hi Hilary,
Kudos for sticking with this and continuing the fight to banish depression and excess weight. You help a lot of us who struggle with the same issues just by being brave enough to voice them.
OMG! Working out is completely therapeutic for me! In my field, work can be really stressful at times, and it's those times that I need the gym most...though I need the exercise all the time. ;)
I hope you find your window of happiness. I'll check back again soon!
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